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The hooking-up phenomena has been traced back to the s and the s, when male and female students were thrown together in apartment-style dormitories, and there was a revolt against strict rules on having a member of the opposite sex in your dorm, lights out and curfews. Throw in the heavy drinking that occurs on most campuses, and there are no inhibitions to stand in the way of a hookup. The alumni Bogle spoke with were less into hooking up after leaving college, but she says that's changing.
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It is catching on among young working adults, mainly because of the Internet and social networks. Dating itself represented a historical change. It evolved out of a courtship ritual where young women entertained gentleman callers, usually in the home, under the watchful eye of a chaperon. At the turn of the 20th century, dating caught on among the poor whose homes were not suitable for entertaining, according to Beth Bailey's history of dating, From Front Porch to Back Seat: Courtship in Twentieth-Century America.
Young couples would go out for a movie or dinner. The expectation was that dating, as with courtship, would ultimately lead to a relationship, the capstone of which was marriage. Precious few of these young women attended college.
Sex Without Intimacy: No Dating, No Relationships : NPR
According to experts, the main reason hooking up is so popular among young people is that in the United States and other Western countries, the age at which people marry for the first time has been steadily creeping up. As of , in the United States, men married for the first time around the age of 27, and women at about 25 years of age. Bogle says the hookup is what happens when high school seniors and college freshmen suddenly begin to realize they won't be marrying for five, 10 or 15 years.
Dating and a relationship interfered with that.
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Avery Leake, 25, knows what this is like from the other side. He's in a relationship now, but he says that, in general, most of the young women he used to meet "just wanted sex. Leake found that he was also up against women who had as much money as he had, if not more, and he says dating had just become too expensive.
A number of experts accept this relaxed attitude toward sex outside of relationships as a natural consequence of the sexual revolution, women's growing independence and the availability of modern contraceptives. But Deborah Roffman, who conducts human sexuality workshops for middle- and high-school-age students and their parents, sees that as a distorted view of liberation. I think most people would probably look back and agree that this has been a more traditionally, or at least stereotypically, male model," says Roffman.
She's not convinced that this is a good thing for women, and says that being able to say yes is only one way of looking at freedom. She would feel much better if young men also were developing a greater capacity for intimacy.
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Being able to engage in intimate relationships where men and women bring all of themselves to the relationship is the cornerstone of family, Roffman says. But young people like Elizabeth Welsh don't see the hookup as an obstacle to future relationships:. If you're honest and open about what you're doing, and willing to commit to a relationship, she says, a hookup and friendship can be fused into a lifetime partnership.
At 25, May Wilkerson would like a relationship, but not a family — not quite yet.
She's lived a lot of places: Argentina, Canada and Paris. Wilkerson says she hasn't found much intimacy with the men she's encountered. In New York City, where she moved two years ago, people seem even more emotionally detached, and she thinks it is because so many of the people who come to the big city are focused on success.
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Yes, she has been in love, but the guy wasn't quite into it. There was one older guy who was serious; he used to bring her cupcakes. She couldn't work up an interest in him. That fragmentation of the social world creates a lot of loneliness. Hooking up started before the Internet and social networks, but the technology is extending the lifestyle way beyond the campus.